I talked with my mom the other night. I had not talked with her for a long long time since the connection of our phone lines did not work. She had caught a severe cold and suffered a high fever etc, which made me feel guilty since I can/do not do anything whenever she is sick.
I somehow grew up being fond of studying and random reading. I have been analyzing myself while deciding what I really want to do in the future, and what kind of people/ things I like. The first thing I noticed is that I am very rebellious by nature. Considering this characteristic of mine, I was wondering why I like studying then, because I basically do not want to do anything people think I should do. I was very sure that this is related to my family environment, and when I was talking with my mom on the phone it became very clear. I was telling her that my eyesight was getting worse. Her reaction was "Oh no, are you studying too much recently?"
This conversation gave me a flashback. She had a job and was busy, so the time she could spend at home was very precious for both of us (especially for her). As a result, she did not allow me to study readily when she was home. When I studied, she often came up to distract me, saying "Are you studying? Come on, why don't you have a cup of tea with me now, and study when I go to work?" My rebellious reaction to this is: Study More.
It's kind of funny that she is still concerned about my "studying too much," after the crazy two years at Columbia. I appreciate that she thinks of continuing to study as harder than people imagine, and respects me for doing it.
For your info, the reason why my eyesight is getting worse is not because I study too much (rather I study too little), but because I stare at the computer screen too much...
Posted by sayaka at May 18, 2004 04:23 PM | TrackBackSayaka this is so interesting! A rebellious child driven to study more! An unusual case!
Posted by: Mitchy at May 19, 2004 06:35 PMさやかちーん！元気そうだね！
帰国したよん。
ほんとアンユージョアルなケースだね。
うちの子にはサヤカチャンズママのアプローチを試してみます。
それではまた元気でね。私も最近視力落ち気味です。怖い怖い。
のんでした。
Posted by: non at May 20, 2004 11:34 PMそうだったんだ！ unusual case だったのね。結果オーライだから、良かった！！目に気を付けてね。
Posted by: さやかｽﾞママ at May 21, 2004 11:45 AMThank you for the messages.
更に考えるとね、ただママが家にいるとき勉強できなかっただけじゃなくって、「じゃ、今から会社行くからお皿洗っといて！」「洗濯物干しといて」というこの言葉。「げ。また（予定が）遅れるやん」という焦りが逆に効率を上げたのかも。受験の時とかも「げ。あと30分でママ帰ってくる！」とスピードアップしてたし。やっぱ子供は甘やかしてはあかんよ。でも私のやり方を信頼して過度にある仮眠タイムに文句を言わなかったのもさすが。ちゅうか、未だに自立せず生きてるところから言って、私が成功例とは思わないけどね。
子育ては、後から思えば冷や汗ものです。こんな母親していたんだ！ｱﾊﾊ・・・ 人生において成功か、成功でないかは、誰にも解らない。母親としては自分の子供に、元気で自分らしく、好きな事を楽しんで、自立して生きていってくれれば成功でしょう。親がいなくなってもしっかりと自分らしく生きていけるように。それでも私は、二人の娘が勉強するのが好きな人になって欲しいと願っていたんです。勝手なものです。おかげさまで二人の娘に感謝です。
Posted by: さやかのママ at May 24, 2004 01:24 PM